dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
