Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
