if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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