I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
