Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Someone shattered a urinal.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
