im six kinds of drunk right now
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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