This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
You are the jesus of drinking
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
