Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
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