Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
I'm both gender and math confused
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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