Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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