my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I smell like Dick and happiness
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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