K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
