ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
