oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
