I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
