My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Me. At least after what I've been through.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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