I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
