haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
