she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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