I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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