Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
