guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
