Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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