He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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