Me too!
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
