he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
