I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
