Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
