If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
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