i was rollin on her like bob the builder
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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