you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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