He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
