No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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