Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
