True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
