So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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