omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
