Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
