I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
