I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
