if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
