your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
