nut hugger
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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