Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
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