I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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