nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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