did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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