God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
