I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
