please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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