I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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