Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
