my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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