I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
